Head Over Tentacles Read online

  Eyes fluttering from the rush of divine contact, Robert sighed in relief. “Thank you… thank you so much.”

  Loch smirked at his twin, asking, “And what about you, my most devoted follower? Would you like a blessing?”

  “I already have all the blessings I need.” Lochlain smiled adoringly at his groom. He grinned as he added, “Although I did hear about another shiny exhibit coming to town….”

  “Ohhh, do tell,” Loch pressed eagerly.

  Lochlain had become the trickster god’s most beloved follower by being a bit of a trickster himself. Lochlain was a very talented thief and had earned Loch’s respect with his profitable and clever heists.

  The pair were capable of great mischief when they were together, and Sloane was quick to protest, “No felonies until after the honeymoon is over, and we really have to go!”

  “We do too!” Robert grabbed Lochlain’s hand, laughing at how he and Loch both pouted. “You can play with your patron god when we come home!”

  “Take care, guys!” Sloane hurriedly drove away, tires squealing. He hadn’t meant to take off like that, but they were dangerously close to being late to meet with their new client.

  When his phone rang again, he wanted to throw it.

  “What now?”

  Loch picked it up to investigate, saying, “Ah, it’s Fred!”

  “Don’t answer—”

  “Hello, Fred!” Loch said cheerfully. “How are you doing, dear child? Any new bits or pieces rotting off?”

  Fred Wilder was Lochlain’s best friend, a Sage, and a ghoul. His body had been destroyed by a fire and through forbidden sorcery, Lynnette created him a new one. Ghoul bodies were essentially husks, shells that would hold a resurrected soul.

  Loch’s body was technically a ghoul since it was a copy of Lochlain’s, but he could maintain its integrity through his divine essence. Ghouls like Fred, on the other hand, required special magic to keep their bodies from rotting.

  “Nah.” Fred’s gruff voice rumbled through the phone. “All of that is fine, but I appreciate it.”

  “It’s my pleasure,” Loch said with a warm smile. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you.”

  “There is something,” Fred said, pausing uncomfortably. “Things have been going really well with my ghoul doctor friend, but I need to talk to you about somethin’ personal.”

  “Ah, your penis,” Loch said without missing a beat. “You’re worried about copulation. Sloane and I are on our way to an appointment, but afterwards—”

  “Not exactly,” Fred grunted.

  “—I will happily examine your penis.”

  Fred grumbled and hung up.

  Sloane scrubbed a hand over his face. “Smooth. Very smooth.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t worry about it.” Sloane laughed, still blushing from secondhand embarrassment.

  “Mortals are so uptight,” Loch snorted, crossing his arms as he pouted.

  Sloane parked outside his office, quickly unbuckling his seat belt. “Okay, come on. We’re finally here.”

  Loch reached over to slide his hand up Sloane’s thigh. “Mmm, you’re so tense, my sweet Starkiller…. You need to relax.”

  Trying to ignore how his cock stirred at Loch’s touch, Sloane argued, “I’m tense because we’re gonna be late. We literally have four minutes—”

  “I can make you come in two,” Loch promised, pushing closer.

  “Loch,” Sloane protested, but his voice didn’t sound so strong. Loch already had his pants unbuttoned, one of his larger tentacles snaking its way down into his underwear and making him squirm. “Shit, shit, shit…. You’d better be quick.”

  “I’ll be so very quick,” Loch purred, kissing Sloane as his tentacle swallowed down his cock and sucked hard.

  Sloane bucked up into the wet heat, gasping against Loch’s lips. Any physical contact with Loch’s godly self was incredible, and Sloane’s entire body was at once flooded with a spectacular heat that made his heart ache.

  Making love with Loch wasn’t just amazing, it was absolutely otherworldly, and oh, those tentacles, the things they could do.

  Most of them were merely prehensile, but there were three that were especially unique. Two of them were equipped with small mouths that had several delicious talents, including sucking with mind-numbing pressure and dispensing thick loads of divine seed.

  But the third one….

  The tentacock.

  That thing was a god in its own right.

  Sloane clung to Loch’s shoulders, and he groaned when another tentacle slipped between his legs and petted around his hole. It didn’t penetrate, only teased and nudged as the other continued to suck away.

  “Come on, my love,” Loch urged, kissing along his ear and nipping. “I’m so hungry for a taste of you….”

  Sloane whimpered brokenly, the ache in his balls making him tremble. He prayed that no one could see what was happening in the front seat of his car; they were in a public place, right in the middle of the day.

  Shit!

  The thought of someone watching them made this insanely hotter, and he came immediately with a loud cry. He fucked up into the tentacle’s willing mouth, gasping and twitching. “Loch! Oh fuck, oh yesss!”

  Smiling smugly, Loch stroked him through it and slowly withdrew when Sloane swatted at him. “There. Don’t you feel better?”

  Sloane melted into the seat, flushed and satisfied, grinning. “Yes, I feel much better….” Then he looked at the clock. “Fuck! Two minutes my ass! We’re freakin’ late!”

  Loch was all smiles as he followed Sloane frantically racing into the office. There was a young man with glasses waiting at his door with a large pet carrier in his arms. He didn’t seem too upset by their tardiness, but Sloane was already saying, “Hi! Mr. Tintenfisch? I am sorry that I’m late. It was utterly unavoidable.”

  Loch snickered. Had he been close enough, Sloane would have elbowed him.

  “Hi!” the young man said. “It’s okay! You can just call me Jay.” He smiled down at the carrier. “This is Mr. Twigs!”

  “Please, come in,” Sloane said, trying to fix his hair as he opened the office door. He ushered Jay in, saying politely, “So, your roommate is missing?”

  “Yes,” Jay said, setting the carrier on Sloane’s desk and opening it up. “Everyone at the department thinks I’m going nuts, and Milo said you would be able to help me.”

  “I’ll definitely do my best!”

  “My roommate has been missing for almost two days now, and this is not like him at all. He hasn’t been to work, he hasn’t been home, but his car is still in the parking lot. The detectives wanted me to wait before filing a missing persons report, and nobody is listening to me.”

  “And you think that Mr. Twigs here might be responsible?”

  “I’m Silenced, so you know, no magic for me, but I know the sound portals make. I’ve heard it on a ton of documentaries. I know I heard one right before he vanished, and no one else was home except Mr. Twigs.”

  The cat slinked out of the carrier and perched right on the corner of Sloane’s desk, its tail swishing. It was fluffy, black, and it was wearing small round sunglasses.

  Loch kneeled down, eyeing the cat suspiciously. They were nearly nose to nose, locked in an intense stare.

  “Huh,” Sloane said, blinking slowly. “The cat… wears sunglasses?”

  “Oh!” Jay blushed. “I know it sounds crazy, but his eyes are really sensitive to light. So yeah. I tried to take them off and he got really upset.”

  “Wait, you didn’t buy them?”

  “Oh no!” Jay laughed. “He had them on when I found him. He’s a rescue, and he’s, like, literally the sweetest—”

  “He is a foul and wretched creature!” Loch suddenly shouted, spinning wildly and promptly smacking the cat across the room. “Go back to the depths of Xenon, you disgusting fiend!”

  “Mr. Twigs!” Jay screamed in horror.

  �
��Azaethoth!” Sloane roared, shocked and furious. “How could you? It’s just a cat!”

  “That is not a cat!” Loch argued, his tentacles beginning to unfurl. “It’s a monstrous fiend that just looks like a cat!”

  “Owww,” a new voice complained, the fluffy black cat picking himself up from the floor and yowling in complaint. He hopped back up on the desk, his tail lashing as he hissed, “That was super rude!”

  “Mr. Twigs…?” Jay stared in awe. He started to reach for the cat but drew back. “You’re… you’re talking?”

  “Duh,” the cat replied sweetly. “Now, Jay, why don’t you forget all about this and go to sleep?”

  Jay’s eyes rolled back, and he immediately dropped on the carpet face-first.

  “What the fuck are you?” Sloane demanded, his hands moving to summon a shield of bright starlight. Loch stood in front of him protectively, his thick tentacles writhing around him and poised to strike at any second.

  The cat laughed, transforming into a very thin and very naked young man. He tilted his sunglasses down, grinning slyly to reveal a mouthful of pointed teeth as he teased, “Meow, motherfuckers. Name’s Asta. I’m here to save the world.”

  Chapter 2.

  “SAVE THE world?” Sloane brought his fingers together for a perception spell while maintaining his shield of starlight.

  Whatever Asta was, he definitely wasn’t human. The glimmer of his aura reminded Sloane of Loch’s, a bright array of colors that was almost prismatic. It wasn’t as bright, but still eerily beautiful.

  “Yes.” Asta sat on Sloane’s desk and made himself comfortable. “Can humans hear well? I’m here to save the world. Get it that time? Ahem. I’m heeere tooo saaave—”

  “Lies,” Loch growled, pointing his finger right in Asta’s face. “You will leave this world at once, you disgusting little Asran fiend!”

  “Asran,” Sloane repeated dumbly, his shield faltering for a moment. “He’s an Asra?”

  The Asra were powerful feline changelings that were known for being quite mischievous. They had been created by the gods as servants, but they refused to obey their godly masters and rebelled.

  According to Sagittarian lore, Great Azaethoth gave the Asra the world of Xenon to end the war. It was a plane of existence that bridged the home of the gods to the mortal realm. Those left behind were said to have fallen into the dreaming with the gods.

  “Yes!” Asta made a face. “Is there an echo in here? Weird. I was personally sent by our prince, His Most Royal Highness Elysian, to guard little Jay here.”

  “Why?” Sloane demanded.

  “To save the world.”

  “But how?”

  “By protecting him.”

  Sloane threw his hands up in frustration, snapping, “You’re no freakin’ help! You’re not answering the questions!”

  “But I am!” Asta argued. “You’re just not asking the right questions!”

  “He’s an Asra,” Loch sneered. “They only speak in riddles, and they cannot be trusted. I’ll open a portal and take him back to Xenon at once.”

  “Nice meat suit,” Asta commented, peering over Loch curiously. “Azaethoth? Is that you in there?”

  “You can see him?” Sloane frowned.

  “No, but I can smell him, and the wiggly tentacles were kind of a clue,” Asta drawled with a roll of his eyes. He smirked at Sloane. “Guess that makes you Starkiller, eh?”

  “You know who I am?” Sloane couldn’t hide his surprise, and his stomach clenched at the memory of how he’d earned that nickname.

  “When a god’s soul comes zooming through Xenon, people tend to notice,” Asta whispered loudly.

  “Okay, fine, got it,” Sloane said firmly, determined to get back on track. “Now, please tell me. Why does Jay need to be protected?”

  “Well, look at him,” Asta scoffed, waving at Jay, still sleeping down on the floor. “He’s Silenced! He’s in constant danger, and he has no way to defend himself.”

  “Is that why you made his roommate disappear?” Sloane pressed. “Was Jay in danger from him?”

  “No, I just didn’t like that prick. He kept kicking me when Jay wasn’t looking.”

  “You’ve been just… what, been pretending to be his cat?” Sloane looked up to the ceiling, trying to ignore Asta’s nudity as he uncrossed his legs.

  He couldn’t be sure, but it looked like Asta had two….

  No, he was probably seeing things.

  “Yup,” Asta replied, thankfully crossing them back together.

  “Can I take him back to Xenon now?” Loch growled. “Please?”

  “Hang on,” Sloane pleaded, trying to make eye contact with Asta without glancing below his waist. The sunglasses made it difficult, his voice strained as he said, “Okay, you were sent here to protect Jay because he’s Silenced. Which means the threat is something magical?”

  “Ding-ding!” Asta clapped excitedly. “Huh! You really are a good detective.”

  “So what’s the threat?”

  “Something bad.”

  “Is the threat a person?”

  “No.”

  “Another Asra? Wait. No….” Sloane thought back to Milo’s analysis of the blue goo. “Is it a god?”

  “Yes!” Asta clapped again.

  “Which god?”

  “Oh, how should I know?”

  “You knew who Azaethoth was!” Sloane argued.

  “Uh, yeah, duh,” Asta griped, peering at Sloane over his sunglasses. “You two are like the new Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie of celestial beings. Come on, now. Everyone knows who you are.”

  “As they should,” Loch said with a snort. He beamed proudly. “I told you we would be legendary.”

  “While that’s very sweet and also weird, can we please get back to why Jay needs to be protected?” Sloane asked.

  “I’m here to keep that squishy meat bag safe,” Asta replied. “If he gets nabbed, the world ends. Do you get it? Do I need to use smaller words?”

  “Very helpful, thank you so much,” Loch said quickly, looking to Sloane with a hopeful pout. “Now can I send him back?”

  “No!” Sloane wanted to tear his hair out. He took a deep breath. “The Asra stays!” He whirled back on Asta. “And you! I need some real answers.”

  “Ask real questions!” Asta snorted.

  “Okay.” Sloane paused to think. “Jay is Silenced, but there must be something very special about him. Yes?”

  “Maaaybe,” Asta cooed coyly.

  “What makes him special?”

  “He’s Silenced.”

  “Oh, for the love of Great Azaethoth… okay, how about why would a god want someone who was Silenced?”

  “To make them into a weapon,” Asta replied gleefully, obviously enjoying this game.

  “A weapon?” Sloane stared, and then he looked worriedly over at Loch. That didn’t sound good at all. “Asta. Please. If you know something, you need to tell us.”

  “Tell you what?” Asta prompted.

  “Enough!” Loch snapped, his tentacles unfurling and whipping around Asta, dragging him into a crushing hold. “Speak! Now!”

  “Mmm…!” Asta cried out in surprise, and he struggled to get free as his face turned bright red. One of Loch’s tentacles curled around his neck, squeezing tight.

  Sloane felt bad for the writhing Asra, watching him gasp and moan desperately. He hated it, but they needed answers, and this interrogation was going nowhere.

  “Tell us the truth, you wretched waste of furred flesh!” Loch snarled, his godly fury so unbridled that Sloane half expected to see a dragon appear right there in his office.

  “Mmm, harder….” Asta groaned, his eyes fluttering as a crooked smile curled his lips. “Harder, Azaethoth, please….”

  “Oh!” Sloane blushed as he suddenly realized Asta’s cries were far from sounds of distress.

  Loch dropped Asta immediately and sneered in disgust. “You are foul.”

  Asta laughed breathlessly, sitting
up and rubbing his throat. “Ha! Wow, Azzy. That was nice,” he teased. “Thanks.”

  “Talk. Now.” Loch narrowed his eyes. “Or I promise you won’t find what I do next very nice at all.”

  “Uggghhh, fine.” Asta pulled himself back up on Sloane’s desk. “I came here because Jay is the next target. This god, whoever he or she is, has been snatching up little Silenced mortals for months now. Like, by the hundreds.”

  “But there’s been nothing on the news,” Sloane protested. “If someone was really out there kidnapping that many Silenced people, the police would have noticed by now! They would be looking into it!”

  “I bet you believe what you read on the internet too. Widen your scope a bit, my starlit friend. This is happening all over the world. People go missing all the time, okay?”

  “How did the Asra figure it out, then?”

  “Because us Asra are smart,” Asta replied smugly. “King Grell and Prince Elysian magically deduced who the next victim is gonna be and sent me here to protect him.”

  “And how exactly does a god make a Silenced person into a weapon?” Sloane sat down at his desk, eyeing Asta warily.

  “How should I know?” Asta whined. “I don’t know how it’s being done. I just know that it’s happening and it’s really not good, okay?”

  “We shouldn’t trust anything he says,” Loch said, moving to stand beside Sloane. “It could be a trick.”

  “But what if he’s right?” Sloane frowned worriedly. “You remember what Milo told us. There was another god walking the earth. And now this? It has to be connected.”

  “It doesn’t have to be, does it?”

  “What are the freakin’ chances of multiple gods running around trying to end the world?”

  “Very unlikely,” Asta chimed in. “Heavy sleepers, you know.”

  “Fine, what do we do now?” Loch glared at Asta hatefully.

  “Well, there’s no case here.” Sloane gestured to Jay. “We know what happened to his roommate—wait, Asta, where did you send him?”

  “To Xenon,” Asta scoffed. “Duh!”

  “Bring him back!” Sloane groaned in frustration. “Gods, poor guy is probably scared out of his mind! And hey! Jay is already really worried, okay? He’s been talking to the police!”