Our Shellfish Desires Read online

  Table of Contents

  Blurb

  Chapter 1.

  Chapter 2.

  Chapter 3.

  Chapter 4.

  Chapter 5.

  Chapter 6.

  Chapter 7.

  Chapter 8.

  Chapter 9.

  Chapter 10.

  Chapter 11.

  Chapter 12.

  Chapter 13.

  Chapter 14.

  Chapter 15.

  Read More

  About the Author

  By K.L. Hiers

  More from K.L. Hiers

  Visit Dreamspinner Press

  Copyright

  Our Shellfish Desires

  By K.L. Hiers

  A Sucker for Love Mystery

  People talk about the marriage of true minds, but Alexander doesn’t think this is what they meant.

  After a cruel experiment binds him to the soul of Rota, an old god, Alexander has one mission: find Rota’s body. Having a godly boyfriend is great, but it would be better to have one that he could actually touch. Unfortunately, even Alexander’s ability to command Rota’s divine power hasn’t helped.

  A rare book of poetry may finally provide the answer. The expertise they need translating it brings them to Oleander Logue, a young man with plenty of problems that seem at odds with his cheerful nature. Ollie is happy to help, but he’s in trouble with a gangster who demands that Alexander and Rota solve a series of murders first.

  Desperate, Alexander and Rota accept the case… but it’s not that simple. The gangster’s threats to Ollie’s safety disturb them both, but is that because they’re both growing more attracted to Ollie… or because he’s a potential host for Rota? If they can’t solve these murders, they may never find out.

  Chapter 1.

  “OLEANDER LOGUE.” Alexander read the name off the computer screen with a smirk. “There he is. Home address, bank statements, last credit card purchase, and ah, he renewed his video streaming subscription. Registered magic user under a water discipline. What else….” He clicked around. “Family calls him Ollie.”

  It’s a little worrying how easy it is to find someone’s personal information online, Rota’s voice mumbled inside Alexander’s head.

  “More reliable than magic.”

  Mm, true.

  “Let’s go.”

  Right now?

  “Yes.” Alexander stood up from the computer he’d been using. It so happened to be the computer in Sloane Beaumont’s office, the private investigator and Starkiller who had given them Ollie’s name.

  Considering Alexander and Rota had just spoken to Sloane at home with his husband and child, Alexander had known the office would be unoccupied and they wouldn’t be disturbed.

  They’d visited Sloane’s apartment to take possession of a very rare book, and now they were in need of a translator because it was written in godstongue, the language of the old gods.

  The situation was complicated.

  Rota was the living soul of an old Sagittarian god, one of many ancient deities worshipped by mankind ages ago before their following faded in the wake of a new monotheistic religion. Rota had been forced by the god Gronoch to leave his physical body and have his soul bound to Alexander, a Silenced mortal. Though he had no natural magic of his own, Alexander could channel Rota’s immense godly powers through his body like an antenna.

  There were a few limitations, but the one plaguing Alexander was that he could not touch Rota nor Rota him for extended periods of time.

  That made things especially difficult when two people were in love.

  Rota slid a shimmering tentacle over Alexander’s cheek, soothing, Why don’t we rest tonight and go over there in the morning?

  Alexander experienced Rota’s physical touch like a cold shiver. Other times it felt like dipping himself into a cool bath. It was always fleeting and all too brief.

  Rota’s physical manifestations varied between these simple ghostly caresses or mere stationary support like acting as a wall or shield. Anything particularly acrobatic risked unleashing the brunt of his full godly might. There was no in between. Attempting even a simple hug exhausted Rota from trying to hold himself back, and there was a high chance of hurting Alexander.

  They’d tried.

  Oh, how they’d tried over and over again, and the result had always been the same.

  Disappointment and heartache.

  It was why the translation was so important. The book was a collection of poems written by Wilhelmina Pickett, a Sage who was said to have traveled all the worlds between worlds created by the gods. Alexander’s research strongly indicated this book could guide them to the location of the Fountain.

  Where Rota’s body was supposed to be.

  “Tonight,” Alexander insisted.

  Are you sure?

  Alexander could feel Rota’s hesitation. “You’re worried about me.”

  You haven’t stopped in months.

  “This is important.”

  So are you. You’re exhausted.

  It was very strange to have a staring contest with a soul, even more so being on the losing side. It was more of a sensation than a physical act since Alexander didn’t see Rota so much as he sensed him. There was a vague outline of the giant beastly god and his big spikes and tentacles, but it was only a shadow of Rota’s true self.

  Alexander already knew he wasn’t going to win. Not when Rota was being this stubborn.

  Well?

  “Fine!” Alexander scowled. “We’ll go home, sleep, and go see him first thing in the morning.”

  A side effect of their unique bond was being connected psychically. They could feel each other’s emotions, hear every thought and subconscious impulse, and at first it had made for a very stressful existence.

  As time went on, they learned to tune each other out and tried to give the other privacy, even if it was only an illusion.

  I want to get this over with. I’m tired of living like this. One kiss isn’t enough. It’s not enough. Not after all these years, not after everything! Alexander hated he had lost control of his thoughts, and he hoped Rota would ignore them.

  Rota did, thankfully, but he still reached out to touch Alexander’s cheek again.

  Alexander shuddered. Not nearly enough.

  Let’s go home.

  Alexander directed Rota to teleport them away with a thought. One moment they were in Sloane’s office, and then they were gone.

  They were puppet and puppeteer, Alexander long since having become a master of commanding Rota’s magic. He could use his thoughts to control it or his physical body for a bigger boost. The latter option was dangerous since Alexander was mortal and his body couldn’t handle the strain of channeling a god’s power for very long.

  For those fleeting moments when Alexander did take on Rota’s full power, however, he knew they could have made the whole world tremble before them.

  But Alexander didn’t care about that.

  His desires were very simple, practically base, and achievement of them was so close now that he could almost taste it. He was going to be with the god he loved, no matter what.

  Home was the name for wherever they were holing up at the moment, and it was currently the penthouse suite of an abandoned hotel. It was a large space once overflowing with old mattresses, broken furniture, and forgotten trash bags. They’d cleaned it up, made it livable thanks to Rota’s magic, and Alexander reflected that they’d lived here longer than anywhere else.

  Except for Hazel, he thought bitterly, heading to the kitchenette to find something to eat. That fucking hellhole.

  Where we first met, Rota added.

  “I know.” Alexander stared into the fridge. “Kinda hard to forget.”
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  Their current circumstances had been far from voluntary. They’d both woken up inside the Hazel Medical Research Facility with no memory of who they were or how they’d gotten there, both victims of Gronoch, who had taken on the body of the company’s CEO and lead researcher to conduct his experiments.

  Gronoch had wanted to create an army of Silenced mortals like Alexander who could be easily controlled and serve as conduits for a god’s power. He’d had the crazy desire to awaken his father, Salgumel, the God of Dreams and Sleep. Salgumel was said to have gone mad in his dreaming, the deep sleep that all the gods had fallen into when mankind abandoned them, and waking him up would certainly mean the end of the world.

  Gronoch and other gods like him wanted the old world where they’d been worshipped and adored, and they were counting on Salgumel rising to make it happen. There would be war, naturally, as not all the gods would be happy about this insane plan, and that’s where the conduit program came in.

  The idea was to take gods they knew would not support the cause and turn them into mortal slaves to fight on their side in the war that was to come.

  It was a plan riddled with multiple issues, countless complications, and a staggering body count. The process was pure agony, and few survived long enough to attempt the actual soul binding. Out of hundreds of Silenced victims, Alexander was the only successful conduit.

  Do you ever wonder?

  “What?” Alexander directed Rota’s tentacles to grab a frozen pizza out of the freezer. He wasn’t much on cooking, and he was very tired.

  Why us?

  “You mean, why did our bond work?”

  Yes.

  “No, I never think about it.” Alexander turned on the oven, using a splash of magic to preheat it instantly. “I know you want there to be some special romantic reason, but I don’t think there is one. I think it just… happened.”

  Rota’s thoughts turned sad.

  “What?”

  I want there to be a reason for all of that suffering.

  “Have you seen the world? People suffer every day for no reason.” Alexander shoved the pizza in, and he patted his pockets, looking for his cigarettes. “We’re not special.”

  You’re special to me.

  “You’re delusional.”

  You’re too young to be this cynical.

  “Am I?” Alexander snorted, raising his hands to guide Rota’s tentacle over to light his cigarette. “Well, I think you’re too old to be this sappy.”

  Rota laughed.

  Alexander grinned, and he leaned back against Rota’s invisible body. He could feel him there beside him, firming up so he could get comfortable. This was the limit of the sustained physical contact they could have, and it felt like what Alexander imagined resting on a cloud would be like, cool and weirdly springy.

  Maybe I am, Rota mused, but I can’t help it. I want there to be meaning for what happened. Not just to us, but to all those other people. The ones who didn’t make it.

  “But there isn’t.” Alexander took a long drag off his cigarette. “Shit just happens. Gronoch was insane.” He took a cautious probe at Rota’s side of the bond to see what was wrong. “You know we’re not responsible for that, right? It’s not our fault.”

  Oh? It’s not? Even though we literally hand-delivered most of them?

  “If we didn’t do it, Gronoch would have killed me,” Alexander said firmly. “We were doing what we had to in order to survive. Then, now, and always, we do what we have to to stay together.”

  I wish….

  Alexander touched Rota’s side. “If you want there to be a meaning to all of it to somehow make it all better, I don’t think there is one. I’m sorry it happened, but I’m not sorry I did it, and I would do it all over again to keep us safe.”

  Rota sighed.

  “We found each other, right?” Alexander smiled. “In that awful place… you heard me. You came to me.”

  Yes.

  “Now that means something.” Alexander kept petting Rota, his fingers moving through the cool silky feeling of what should’ve been warm skin. “You were there when I was hurt and alone, when I was scared, when I was ready to check right the fuck out. You were the answer to my prayers even after I was too scared to pray because I didn’t think anybody was listening. Even if our bond didn’t work, I’m thankful for that night.”

  As am I.

  “I know you feel bad because of what we did, because of what I did, but… I did it all because I love you.”

  And I love you. Rota seemed to smile, though he still felt sad. Perhaps that’s the only thing that matters in the end.

  “It’s the only thing that matters to me.” Alexander closed his eyes when Rota passed a tentacle over his hand. He tried to fill his side of the bond with the love he felt for Rota in hopes it would comfort him.

  Sometimes I wonder which one of us is supposed to be the disenchanted immortal.

  “Ha!” Alexander inhaled leisurely and blew out a long puff of smoke. “I happen to like you like this. Rota, God of Sap.”

  Hmmph. Alexander, Lord of Grump.

  “I’m glad you are. Sweet, I mean. Really. Gods know one of us needs to be.” Alexander flicked his ashes on the floor and vanished them away with magic. “I don’t know why I’m like this….” And I wonder if I was like this before.

  Grumpy?

  “Angry.”

  However you are is exactly how I want you to be. I didn’t mean to upset you. I keep… I can’t stop looking back.

  “I know.” Alexander fidgeted. “You think about it a lot.”

  Yes. I’m sorry.

  “Don’t be.” Alexander shrugged. “I’m just ready to move on. Gronoch is dead, thanks to Starkiller. The conduit program is over. There’s nothing left to think about.”

  I suppose not.

  Rota shifted behind him, and Alexander stood up so he could move away. Rota couldn’t go very far, but Alexander could sense he wanted space. He wasn’t sure what was bothering Rota so much, but he didn’t pry any deeper into their bond.

  Alexander left him alone for now, finished smoking, and focused on getting the pizza out of the oven. He ate once it had cooled down, cleaned up the mess, and headed to the bathroom.

  He got undressed, ignoring his reflection in the mirror.

  There wasn’t much he wanted to see.

  He already knew his once brown hair was white and raggedly shaved around the sides, his eyes were a murky red, and he was covered from head to toe in the binding symbols, circles with a single arrow running through them. Each one had been burned into his skin, and looking at them only reminded him of the pain.

  Then there were the ones he couldn’t see, the ones inside of him. It had taken hundreds of bindings to attach Rota, and Gronoch had run out of room on Alexander’s skin, so he moved elsewhere, including his bones and even internal organs.

  Aside from the reminder of the torture he’d suffered, he didn’t like how he looked. He was deathly pale and thin, and he didn’t think he was very attractive. He looked tired. He’d seen old pictures of what he looked like before the experiments, and he didn’t even recognize himself the first time he saw them.

  You’re beautiful.

  “Get out of my head,” Alexander chided affectionately.

  Sorry. Can’t.

  Alexander could feel Rota watching him, and he turned on the water for the tub with his tentacles.

  You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and one day I am going to make such love to you….

  “Promises, promises.” Alexander enjoyed the warmth the words gave him. He could feel that Rota was in a better mood now, and he made a show of bending over to check the water’s temperature.

  He may not have thought very much of himself, but he knew Rota did.

  Oh, you cruel boy.

  “Me?”

  Yes, you. I’m going to remember this and every other time you’ve teased me.

  Alexander was sure he would. He stepped into the
tub and slid down into the water, taunting, “I’ll be waiting.”

  I wanted to take you the day Starkiller let us use his body.

  “Right there in front of everyone, huh?” Alexander’s heart thumped a little faster, and Rota’s desire was strong. It took his breath away, and he knew what was coming.

  They had limited options for being intimate, but there was one in particular that was always successful. It was a tease in many aspects, but it was all they had.

  Yes. Rota was close now. I wouldn’t have cared.

  “Tell me.” Alexander closed his eyes. “Tell me what you would have done.”

  You want details, I imagine.

  Hands sliding down his chest, Alexander nodded. “You know I do.”

  I would have laid you right out there on the floor, kissing you until neither one of us could breathe. I’d want to taste every inch of you, to memorize the very flavor of you, to worship your entire body… I would touch everywhere you were hurt and reclaim it as mine.

  “Yes.” Alexander shifted in the tub, and the heat between his legs grew. His cock was getting hard, but he didn’t touch himself yet. He was imagining Rota touching him instead, touching all the binding marks….

  A memory resurfaced of being held down, strapped to a metal table, and the burn of the first mark searing into his skin. The pain had been so great that he threw up, begged, pleaded—

  Staunchly ignoring it, he said, “Go on. Keep going, please.”

  I know you’d be hard then. Just as you are now.

  Alexander shivered as a ghostly tentacle teased his thigh, and he took himself in hand, stroking slowly. “Yeah… I’d want… I’d want you to….”

  Tell me. Rota’s voice was silky and low, as if he was whispering right in Alexander’s ear.

  “I want you to take me fast. I don’t want to wait.” Alexander stroked faster. His lips parted as his breath picked up, and he could feel the pressure inside of him winding up tight already. He spread his legs and pushed his other hand back behind his balls, pressing his fingers against his hole.

  Alexander. Rota was panting. Yes. I will. I will open you up, with my fingers, my mouth—

  “No. Your dick. Your tentacles, whatever, anything. I need you in me.” Alexander groaned, the tips of his fingers pushing in dry. He hissed at the burn, but he didn’t stop, jerking himself off and focusing his strokes around on the head of his dick. “I can’t… oh gods….”